I hate the term "love language". It sounds so cheesy. But I don't know of another term that means the same thing. So love language it is.
Do you know your love language? Mine are physical touch and gifts...with some words of affirmation thrown in. Chris and I "speak" completely different love languages. He is very much quality time and acts of service, I think. It's kind of bad that I'm not sure about that. Oops. Though you can always make him happy with a gift, so maybe gifts too. So I guess we have gifts in common.
See, we've run into a problem as of late. That problem is that for the past several months, there has been little to no expendable income between the two of us. That means no gifts. Seriously. No Christmas. No Valentine's day. I was lucky enough to have birthday presents because the little planner he is, he bought my birthday gifts back in the summer.
So, no big deal, right? Holidays and love aren't about gifts, right? I mean, yeah. True. But it's the only one we have in common. And, when you have money, it's so the easiest. It's tangible. And when that is one of your love languages and you're not able to give or receive gifts, it hurts you.
A huge problem comes in when we don't recognize the love from each other, and we don't communicate the love to one another properly. Chris is just naturally not an extremely demonstrative person in relationships. It's a trait he has learned from his parents. It's not a bad thing, in and of itself. It only becomes a bad thing in relation to me. When people don't touch me or talk about their love and appreciation, I think they don't love me. I know that Chris does love me. But there is a difference in knowing it cognitively and actually feeling it coming from a person.
He does show his love. He just shows it very differently from the way I think about love. He is just completely fine to spend time together doing whatever. It usually doesn't matter what it is. Just quality time. He also does so many little things that I can really overlook, if I'm not careful. When I make a specific point of it, I see these things. Though, since it is not my preferred method, I have to remember to make that conscious effort. Just like he has to remember to show love the way I need it.
I say all this because every once in a while, I seem to have a little emotional breakdown, and we end up trying to have a conversation while I'm sniffing and snorting and wiping away tears. All because I've gotten my feelings hurt because I need more hugs. The latest one happened last night. When I think about it, it seems silly to me. Why should people have to have a conversation about making sure they're hugged enough? Isn't that just human nature? Am I just not that cool? Is there something wrong with me? No. To all of them. It's just not the way some people are wired.
I have to take extra care not to let it cloud my thinking or make me doubt myself and my self worth. It's a lapse in communicating properly that we will always have to work on.